We all have faced rejection. Maybe we didn't get into the college we wanted, or the date we hoped to have never materialized, perhaps you made overtures to your husband and he just wasn't interested. How we deal with rejection is determined by our maturity and confidence we have in ourselves.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." When we are rejected we can point fingers at others for our sadness, depression, loneliness, and feelings at failure. We can choose to embrace the feelings I just described, or we can choose a different course. Others are not responsible for the feelings we are having. Only we are. Only we are responsible for keeping negative feelings or changing them around. In other words, only we can make ourselves feel inferior and only we can make ourselves feel good about who we are.

One of the ways we make ourselves feel good is by the way we inwardly speak to ourselves, regarding rejection. If we were put off during a cold call, we might personalize the rejection. "Of course they wouldn't want to speak to me, I'm a nobody, just a sales person". Husbands reject our advances and we criticize ourselves and justify their actions by saying, "I'm not slim, fit and built, of course he has no desire for me why would he?" Passed over for a raise or promotion? What thoughts immediately ran into your head, self-criticism or an alternative reaction?

When you no longer make others responsible for your feelings of being inferior, you can change your outlook about rejection. For instance, if you are a sales person making cold calls, you learn that a key aspect of calling is in the numbers. The more you call the better the odds of getting your foot in their door. Try this, put thirty beans on one side of your desk and decide to make the thirty calls. It isn't important if you get thirty rejections, it is all in the numbers. Make enough calls and you will get someone to purchase your goods. It is a numbers game. Accept that and realize that it isn't about YOU (personally); it is about the number of calls you make.

Husbands can reject advances, and it has nothing to do with YOU. It can be caused by a great game that will be on shortly, a terrific headache caused by pressure at work, frustration with your kids or just plain-not in the mood. We understand those days, he has those days too.

The art of getting out of your head is a skill that requires constant practice and preparation. Having a positive journal is critically important. Immediately, when the inferiority talk begins, start writing 5 things that you are grateful for. Read what you wrote other days.

Give yourself 2 minutes to feel the pain and then declare --- get over it! Rejection is part of life!! A life full of rewards, love, success and prosperity is also a life that has learned to deal successfully with rejection! Celebrate.

Pegine Echevarria, MSW, copyrights all material on this site. Information from this site may be reprinted or quoted by members of the media, provided a specific credit to Pegine Echevarria, MSW is included.
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